16 Dec 2011
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Is a cut buddy the same thing as a friend with benefits? Are either the same thing as dating? Many would argue that they are extremely different. I would argue that they might as well be the same thing since everyone defines them differently with much overlap. Some wouldn't say 'cut buddy' but rather 'cut friends' like the song said, which blurs the line because it takes the title 'friend' which is also used in 'friends with benefits'. And it get's more complex, so before we jump to deep, let's back up and define some things.
Unlike most blogs, I couldn't call up Merriam-Webster and see how they defined cut friends, so here's my best attempt at defining. You probably want to sit down for this.
Cut Buddy - This is a person you're strictly using for sex. You already know them, probably a friend of a friend or someone in some organization you're in or maybe a neighbor. You likely only see them when they come over after hours, when you go home on vacation, because you past their house on a road trip, because you haven't had sex in awhile, or because you're on that temporary or recent breakup phase. Yall don't just kick it and chill, and definitely aren't purposely hanging out in public just because. While you're cordial, and make small talk, may even do a small favor periodically, you don't really care about the person, only the sex. You usually come off as an jerk to your cut buddy mainly because you don't give a flying f**k how they feel. You don't care about their personality or their interests. You are not friends and you don't see a relationship coming. It is what it is. Main purpose here: Sex.
Friend With Benefits - Look at the title, by definition you are friends, friends who eventually crossed that line and smashed one day. Sure the attraction may have always been there, but you tried to ignore as to not jeopardize the friendship. You care about each other, are welcome at each other's house, hang out in public together, met each others families, and will still remain friends when each other get in relationships with other people. You have similar interests and know many facts about each other. You never anticipate a relationship to come from this situation. Main purpose here: Friendship
Dating - Two people here are spending time getting to know each other. Unlike the first, it's not about sex, although you may have it. What makes it different from the second is that you all aren't necessarily friends. Occasionally you may have been friends first but for the most part it's usually somebody new, and perhaps you will become friends later. You're trying to see if you have matching fundamentals to make a relationship work leading to marriage. If it doesn't work, you probably won't be friends, keep having sex, or even talk to each other.
Now that we've established what the dynamics are by definition are, let's start looking at where the breakdown occurs. When you start allowing other elements to your cut buddy situation, ie just chilling together, going out, having dinner, etc you're adding elements common to a friendship. When you call it a cut friend, you're further solidifying that understanding that a friendship exists. Thus it appears to be more like friends with benefits. If you allow someone you know wants more with you ie relationship, to be your cut buddy/friend, it's giving the appearance of dating.
Can a cut buddy become a friend with benefits or someone you're dating? Not at all. Why? Because you have to respect the latter two. I highly doubt you have that much respect for the person you made do the walk of shame out your apt building at 8am in their club (dress and heels, or blazer and dress shoes) or through your crib past your friends in a hoodie hiding their face even though we know it's them. Now friends with benefits, can someone you were dating become a friends with benefits? Sure but it's dangerous. You're taking someone you weren't friends with before, who initially came on board looking for more, and asking them to only be friends but keep giving up the sex. If you can pull that off, you need an applause. Can friends with benefits date? I mean it would be ideal, you all have common interests, know each other well, and already have the benefits, so yes. However, if the dating doesn't work out, you'll likely lose the friendship and the benefits all in one swipe. Also, you have to be careful as to not be that person, or not have a person, who was trying to play the friends with benefits role in order to get to a dating and relationship status, because those may not ever come from that.
Dating....sigh....so much to be said here. Just because you're dating doesn't make you friends. So when it's decided that there is no longer relationship potential, leave, and don't feel obligated to keep some friendship, you guys weren't friends before and still probably aren't now. Here's the rough thing about dating, many people use it now to get sex. Now I know you're thinking, why fake like you want a relationship, if you just want sex say that. Yeah, the system isn't designed for that to even work. While it may work, 9/10 times, a person just can't walk up to someone new and be like I just wanna smash and it work. Therefore they see someone they wanna smash and make small talk. Now, society (not I), consider women who smash on the first time they meet someone to be a ho. I'm like Andre 3 stacks, that just mean she know what she want. Any who, with that being the case many women maintain that they won't have sex on the first or second time spending time with a person, thus it may take 3 times minimum before sex is achieved. Last time I checked, if you hang out with someone new of the opposite sex 3 times, you'll be considered dating. Thus why dating is used to get sex. It's by default. Only problem is, it's not by definition so in many cases the relationship is not being sought.
It all becomes a major word jumble and behavior misunderstanding. We apply our experience and definitions of what we think certain titles should mean and apply them to a system that has no universal understanding and agreement on what those titles and behaviors should mean. So are the three the same thing? Might as well be.
Turtle Power
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Unlike most blogs, I couldn't call up Merriam-Webster and see how they defined cut friends, so here's my best attempt at defining. You probably want to sit down for this.
Cut Buddy - This is a person you're strictly using for sex. You already know them, probably a friend of a friend or someone in some organization you're in or maybe a neighbor. You likely only see them when they come over after hours, when you go home on vacation, because you past their house on a road trip, because you haven't had sex in awhile, or because you're on that temporary or recent breakup phase. Yall don't just kick it and chill, and definitely aren't purposely hanging out in public just because. While you're cordial, and make small talk, may even do a small favor periodically, you don't really care about the person, only the sex. You usually come off as an jerk to your cut buddy mainly because you don't give a flying f**k how they feel. You don't care about their personality or their interests. You are not friends and you don't see a relationship coming. It is what it is. Main purpose here: Sex.
Friend With Benefits - Look at the title, by definition you are friends, friends who eventually crossed that line and smashed one day. Sure the attraction may have always been there, but you tried to ignore as to not jeopardize the friendship. You care about each other, are welcome at each other's house, hang out in public together, met each others families, and will still remain friends when each other get in relationships with other people. You have similar interests and know many facts about each other. You never anticipate a relationship to come from this situation. Main purpose here: Friendship
Dating - Two people here are spending time getting to know each other. Unlike the first, it's not about sex, although you may have it. What makes it different from the second is that you all aren't necessarily friends. Occasionally you may have been friends first but for the most part it's usually somebody new, and perhaps you will become friends later. You're trying to see if you have matching fundamentals to make a relationship work leading to marriage. If it doesn't work, you probably won't be friends, keep having sex, or even talk to each other.
Now that we've established what the dynamics are by definition are, let's start looking at where the breakdown occurs. When you start allowing other elements to your cut buddy situation, ie just chilling together, going out, having dinner, etc you're adding elements common to a friendship. When you call it a cut friend, you're further solidifying that understanding that a friendship exists. Thus it appears to be more like friends with benefits. If you allow someone you know wants more with you ie relationship, to be your cut buddy/friend, it's giving the appearance of dating.
Can a cut buddy become a friend with benefits or someone you're dating? Not at all. Why? Because you have to respect the latter two. I highly doubt you have that much respect for the person you made do the walk of shame out your apt building at 8am in their club (dress and heels, or blazer and dress shoes) or through your crib past your friends in a hoodie hiding their face even though we know it's them. Now friends with benefits, can someone you were dating become a friends with benefits? Sure but it's dangerous. You're taking someone you weren't friends with before, who initially came on board looking for more, and asking them to only be friends but keep giving up the sex. If you can pull that off, you need an applause. Can friends with benefits date? I mean it would be ideal, you all have common interests, know each other well, and already have the benefits, so yes. However, if the dating doesn't work out, you'll likely lose the friendship and the benefits all in one swipe. Also, you have to be careful as to not be that person, or not have a person, who was trying to play the friends with benefits role in order to get to a dating and relationship status, because those may not ever come from that.
Dating....sigh....so much to be said here. Just because you're dating doesn't make you friends. So when it's decided that there is no longer relationship potential, leave, and don't feel obligated to keep some friendship, you guys weren't friends before and still probably aren't now. Here's the rough thing about dating, many people use it now to get sex. Now I know you're thinking, why fake like you want a relationship, if you just want sex say that. Yeah, the system isn't designed for that to even work. While it may work, 9/10 times, a person just can't walk up to someone new and be like I just wanna smash and it work. Therefore they see someone they wanna smash and make small talk. Now, society (not I), consider women who smash on the first time they meet someone to be a ho. I'm like Andre 3 stacks, that just mean she know what she want. Any who, with that being the case many women maintain that they won't have sex on the first or second time spending time with a person, thus it may take 3 times minimum before sex is achieved. Last time I checked, if you hang out with someone new of the opposite sex 3 times, you'll be considered dating. Thus why dating is used to get sex. It's by default. Only problem is, it's not by definition so in many cases the relationship is not being sought.
It all becomes a major word jumble and behavior misunderstanding. We apply our experience and definitions of what we think certain titles should mean and apply them to a system that has no universal understanding and agreement on what those titles and behaviors should mean. So are the three the same thing? Might as well be.
Turtle Power
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
Source blog: The Dating Paramedic
